the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
