He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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