I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
