birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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