My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
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You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
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You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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