Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
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I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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