Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize