turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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