The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I think a kid would responsible me up
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
