I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
