one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
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God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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