My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
