I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
