apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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