so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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