never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
