God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
