i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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