my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
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Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
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Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
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