In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
