my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
