I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
