i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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