I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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