I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
