I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
