now i know why i became what i already was.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's rum buckets o'clock
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
