Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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