New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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