I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
