ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
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Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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