Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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