just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
