remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
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I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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