What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
