My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
