Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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