Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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