Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Houston, we have a squirter
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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