he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
