There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
