so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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