I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
