I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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