OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
