New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Randomize
