I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
