I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
