We need to start having sex underwater more often.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
