So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
