So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I am one with the molecules
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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