So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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