Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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