it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
