Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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