got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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