so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
