Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
