I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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