I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
